The Long Way Down, Up and Around

Warning: this post has a lot - too many - mountain shots. But hey, welcome to Switzerland where everything is perfect and awesome.

So, Switzerland in 7 bullet points:

1. Huge mountains

2. Rail service to the top. No walking required.

3. Gourmet food, wine and gelato at the summit. Forget all that crunchy REI "leave no trace" garbage - you want a glass of pinot noir and some foie gras as you gaze over the roof of the world. I'd like to see the wine list, bitte.

4. Blazingly fast customer service.

5. Paragliders.

6. James Bond.

7. Cows with actual cowbells.

So where to start? Switzerland is rugged mountains meet French culture, German engineering, and American customer service. How is this possible? How can something not have any flaws? Ok, fine, ignore the price for a bit and just think about how you can have a nation composed only of positive national stereotypes from other nations.

Ok, so you think - "Hey, I love mountains, but my girlfriend insists on wearing her Tory Burch ballet flats when I go hiking. Can I still come to Switzerland?" Yes. Yes you can. You can also ditch the Nalgene and bring a couple copies of Wine Spectator, which will be more useful anyway. You will also want to be impeccably dressed yourself, because shlepping it up to the top in sweatpants and some grungy t-shirt isn't going to fly. How about a brand new North Face jacket, and some Lulu for the missus?

Or, just wear those Ferragamo loafers you saved for the clubs in Berlin. Because, to start, there's no need to even walk to the top. There's a cogwheel train that runs every 30 minutes. It will set you back $80, which is like the cost of a Happy Meal anyway, so don't sweat it. The thing was built in like 1920, of course, because the Swiss did the impossible when the country barely had electricity.

Now that you made it to the top, reward yourself. Buy some perfume. Have a glass of wine. Try those French cheeses you can't remember and definitely can't pronounce but you saw once at Whole Foods. You've earned it and there's literally no where else in the world this sort of luxury exists, literally, on the edge of a cliff.

Then take a short stroll around one of many signed, guard-railed and paved paths along the top. No need to do vertical - that's for the hikers, just a little to and fro to soak up the view will do.

To round it out, watch other people do sweet stuff, like paraglide. The really adventurous people of the world love to swing by here, where they can crush a red bull and eat some gelato before gliding off the side of a mountain and into the wild blue yonder. Their gift to you? The coolness rubs off , and is sort of inspiring, especially when you're a bottle of pinot deep and soaking up the atmosphere at 8,000 feet. How sick are those dudes?