Swiss Highlands

Warning: this post has a lot - too many - mountain shots.  But hey, welcome to Switzerland where everything is perfect and awesome.

So, Switzerland in 7 bullet points:

1. Huge mountains

2. Rail service to the top.  No walking required.

3. Gourmet food, wine and gelato at the summit.  Forget all that crunchy REI "leave no trace" garbage - you want a glass of pinot noir and some foie gras as you gaze over the roof of the world.  I'd like to see the wine list, bitte.

4. Blazingly fast customer service.    

5. Paragliders.  

6. James Bond.

7. Cows with actual cowbells.

So where to start?  Switzerland is rugged mountains meet French culture, German engineering, and American customer service.  How is this possible?  How can something not have any flaws?  Ok, fine, ignore the price for a bit and just think about how you can have a nation composed only of positive national stereotypes from other nations.  

Ok, so you think - "Hey, I love mountains, but my girlfriend insists on wearing her Tory Burch ballet flats when I go hiking.  Can I still come to Switzerland?"  Yes.  Yes you can.  You can also ditch the Nalgene and bring a couple copies of Wine Spectator, which will be more useful anyway.  You will also want to be impeccably dressed yourself, because shlepping it up to the top in sweatpants and some grungy t-shirt isn't going to fly.  How about a brand new North Face jacket, and some Lulu for the missus?

Or, just wear those Ferragamo loafers you saved for the clubs in Berlin.  Because, to start, there's no need to even walk to the top.  There's a cogwheel train that runs every 30 minutes.  It will set you back $80, which is like the cost of a Happy Meal anyway, so don't sweat it.  The thing was built in like 1920, of course, because the Swiss did the impossible when the country barely had electricity.  

Now that you made it to the top, reward yourself.  Buy some perfume.  Have a glass of wine.  Try those French cheeses you can't remember and definitely can't pronounce but you saw once at Whole Foods.  You've earned it and there's literally no where else in the world this sort of luxury exists, literally, on the edge of a cliff. 

Then take a short stroll around one of many signed, guard-railed and paved paths along the top.  No need to do vertical - that's for the hikers, just a little to and fro to soak up the view will do.

To round it out, watch other people do sweet stuff, like paraglide.  The really adventurous people of the world love to swing by here, where they can crush a red bull and eat some gelato before gliding off the side of a mountain and into the wild blue yonder.  Their gift to you?  The coolness rubs off , and is sort of inspiring, especially when you're a bottle of pinot deep and soaking up the atmosphere at 8,000 feet.  How sick are those dudes?  

So are the Swiss.  Go there.

That little red train does the hike so you don't have to.

Then there are these guys - wow.

Enjoy the civilized walk around the top - even heels are OK!

So close you can almost imagine yourself being him, or at least smelling like him (remember that Old Spice ad?)

A picture perfect valley.  The Swiss probably rounded the edges of the mountains just so that tourists could take better pictures.

The "Oberland" - the best of the best mountains in Switzerland.

There are still glaciers!  But there won't be in a little while.  They are rapidly, rapidly receding.

Signed hiking routes with directions and expected travel times!  So considerate.

Cows a mile underneath our cable car.

Jungfrau (I think...)

A loooong cable car ride down.

Harsh and epic looking mountains shrouded in mist.

They really do have those bells, and they just jingle all day in the pastures.

Very thoughtful use of local topography for slidemaking.

Switzerland: Into the Highlands

The wonderful, civilized city of Geneva was just the beginning.  Past Geneva were those famous Swiss Alps, where rumor had it cows with bells roamed alpine meadows under glaciers, and friendly locals ate fondue and other delicious hearty mountain food.  Could it be true?  

I love a good road, and holy s&*t are Swiss roads good.  I bet you $10,000 (ok, just kidding, I'm not Mitt Romney) that you couldn't find a single pothole in the entire country.  The roads just go off into the mountains, and then sometimes they dive under the mountains when the Swiss feel like it.  And there's no one on them!  Because Switzerland also has the world's best train system so no one actually drives!  I thought back to America where we don't really have trains but our bridges are falling into rivers anyway.  Sigh.  

This is motorcycle rider paradise.  That's it - my next motorbike holiday is going to be in Switzerland - but only if I win the lottery first.  

The part about cute little mountain hamlets - that's all true too!  Switzerland is 100% as advertised and even better.  Any surprises?  Yes, the deluge of country and 80s on the radio.  Other than the questionable music it is a wonderful place.

Into Switzerland: Geneva

Switzerland is high-class all around.  It's like one of those premium outdoor "lifestyle" centers, if you could build one of those next to a beautiful mountain range with emerald lakes everywhere.  That's the first thing that came to mind:  a nice, upscale suburb.  The cities were clean, everyone's  lawn was mowed, people stopped for pedestrians, the parks were full of families... you get the idea.

But perfection has its price, right?  Sure, in Bolivia there are still cases of plague and you probably shouldn't drink the water, but you can live for a dollar a day!  I'm not sure a dollar buys you anything in Switzerland.  A  latte at Starbucks will set you back eight.  Are you thinking of living here?  I hope you work at a hedge fund because this place makes New York look cheap.

People who have lived in Switzerland say it is beautiful but boring.  I can see that.  It's a non-aligned country full of NGOs, private bankers and watchmakers.  Fine - but all those "J" personality types have turned this place into a sweet place to live if you can entertain yourself.  Geneva is classy, it's on the water, it's next to the mountains, it's full of cafes and parks, and it is immaculate.  Have I already mentioned how clean and organized everything is?  

Welcome to the Olympic museum.  It is... you guessed it... extremely well organized and quite pleasant to visit.

Just relax and enjoy the view - it's free!

A preview of things to come in China.

In France they have ducks and pigeons.  In Switzerland they have swans and bluebirds.

High class.

I couldn't help myself.

You can spot the Germanic influence in the flower beds.

European Parliament

What happened to the architecture of post-war Europe?  It feels like Europe cities are either grandly beautiful or awfully modernist.  The old stuff, basically everything from the Romans until the late 19th century, was symmetrical and beautiful.  Then came along the modernists, or some other avant-garde movement, and they decided ugly architecture was in.  Well, welcome to "new" Straussburg, home of the new European Parliament.

The building had a lot of potential.  This was, after all, going to be the seat of the new European Parliament, the legislative arm of the grand European Project.  But but the building, like the institution it would ultimately host (especially given the benefit of hindsight), is a little underwhelming.  Despite its blockbuster $400mm budget - which still didn't stop big cost overruns - it doesn't quite get across the feel of the "new" Europe, unless the new Europe is supposed include confusing corridors, cheap finishes and a collapsed ceiling (which, somehow, saved EU taxpayers 1.8mm Euros).  There's no doubt it looked great on paper - the central tower geometry is impressive, as is the symmetry of the columns, but there's just something missing.  Did they aim for grandeur and miss?  Or did the EU consciously decide to make the place feel like a community college? 

They weren't holding session that day... or the day after... or the day after...

Inside parliament.

Interesting geometry and lighting.

What about 4-8?

It is almost brilliant, but mostly looks like a building out of the Jetsons.

The international court of human rights brings sets a whole new bar for ugly architecture.  Is that a refinery?  A boiler assembly?  WTF?

Not much better from this angle.

But it had so much potential in the blueprints they saw!